Talk about inconsistency.
I haven’t updated this in over a month. In all honesty, the past month has given me a ton of material to write about, I just haven’t been able to articulate it. Last night, while I was driving home from our beloved Hashbrown Networking and my car was engaging in foreplay with the wet streets of Richmond, I realized how much I’m going to miss this place if/when I decide to leave.
I can feel a strong pull from a world outside this town and it leaves a lingering taste in my mouth. I’m not sure why, but I have this unshakable feeling that when I leave, I wont come back. Then again, maybe people change once pleasure starts to spoil. My current plan is to move to Boston. I’ve never really lived there, visited when I was a little girl. I have faint but charming memories of catching falling snowflakes in my mouth and breathing in the cold air.
That’s not Boston though, not the real Boston.
Maybe I’ve seen too many movies but I picture wet, grimy streets and thick smoke coming out of street gutters. Flickering lights and signs, dark alleys, men in trench coats walking with their heads down and half-naked women leaning against bar walls, faking smiles and waiting to share their twenty-something invincible years of experience in bed with the next unsuspecting passerby.
Suffice it to say, I would not last a day in that Boston. Though Richmond has taught me a few things like: with a white lie and quick sprint, you can get out of almost any situation involving a cop, stories can be traded for cigarettes, sitting next to a gentleman on the bar stool closest to exit will usually get you free drinks and, if you’re looking for a human touch, well….hoping Boston won’t be another let down.
I digress.
I guess I’ve just been battling with my own thoughts lately. January 1st is when I sign the lease on an apartment in Boston. I would be leaving my relatively secure job, my family, all the sons of bitches I call friends and love so much and the somewhat satisfactory life I took close to six years to set up. All for what? No job, no family, a handful of friends and half-assed promise of a better life. That’s what. All the waiting is making me curious though. It’s always tough starting over, especially when you have no idea what to expect. I can feign my “worldliness” and gloat about my ability to adapt to any given situation, but the truth it, Boston has the capacity to swallow me whole in a matter of days.
I have less than two months to clean up after myself and tie up the loose ends. If you had asked me a month ago how I feel about getting out of this place, I would have grinned and let out an emphatic, “Can’t wait!” But now, today, if someone would pry open my ribs they would certainly see an “I love RVA” banner across my heart. I cannot pinpoint exactly at what moment my thoughts went from “this fucking city” to “this appetizing city.”
All I know is that someone might have to peel me away from Richmond now. Come December 31st you may find me in the corner, knees to chest, rocking back and forth, weeping. Maybe I’m just scared things will never be the same. I’m trying to avoid any regrets, even though I believe “regret” is just perception. Just thinking out loud, really.
Forty eight days and counting…
WHAT??? you are the life of all the #rva twitter folks. I can imagine how tough of a decision that it must be. I have never moved away from the area so I’m not sure what it would be like. As for Boston, all that comes to mind is the annoying Red Sox fans.
I know how you feel – I have left rva many times and always pulled back. The urge is back and I have too many destinations to choose from.
So what are you going to do about your twitter name when you move?
Oh, and solid writing btw.
Thank you!
And I guess it’ll change to @anaBMA.
Doesn’t have the same ring to it, at all